Just this...

 

I have no lofty goals of thin-ness... of even greater fitness... (finally) achieving financial freedom...

 

Making a more beautiful home.

 

No bucket-list of faraway travel to finally embark upon...

 

Not this year.

 

 

Old dreams.

 

Dead dreams.

 

 

I must confess that at times my heart... it's heavier than a (Jesus-free) heart should be...

 

 ...on the cusp of a gloriously

 

unwritten

 

new year.

 

Questions are many.

 

Answers?

 

Few.

 

 

Heaven

is

silent.

 

 

 Dark thoughts overwhelm...

 

Their tendrils seem to reach the deepest parts of me.

 

Shrouded in a fog that threatens to close in and strangle.

 

Suffocate.

 

My heart can barely whisper...

 

"Hold onto me dear God...

 

Don't let go.

 

For I just can't hold on to You anymore.

 

My strength...

 

It fails.

 

Me.

 

We have barely started.

 

Already I am tired.

 

Exhausted.

 

Afraid.

 

 

No.

 

No goals.

 

No lists.

 

No ideals to achieve and tick off.

 

 

 

Only this...

 

Gratitude

 

regardless...

 

Gratitude

 

 in spite of...

 

Gratitude

 

even when...

 

 

...even though...

 

 

Just this.